The False Anointing
I told the Lord I wanted to fast in order to begin again with my writing. "I'm ready," I said. Although I have a jumble of ideas in my head that have accumulated over the last several years, each of which I have made strong attempts to begin, for various reasons I stopped in the pursuit. Really, all this stuff just needs to funnel into one small space called-the space of being useful. For that, I would need the Lords help.
So thus, the desire to fast. I set Sunday through Tuesday aside to be without food, but when the time came, BOOM, it completely slipped my mind. Gone, as if I never spoke the thought. I didn't even struggle with the idea to put it off (which I do on occasion). Then, when I did remember, the Dreams & Visions Interpretation and Prophetic Practice Facebook group I belong to, they called a fast. "Oh, okay, Lord. You must have had other plans for me. Perfect. I'll do it with the group." And we fasted together. Most fasted Facebook, but I felt lead to stick with my original plan and make it a food fast, while seeking the Lord for my writing and now the group.
Tuesday came and like I agreed, I started. Unless the Lord is in it, going without food is never fun. It came easily for me this time. The day passed, I left work and as I'm driving home, I hear this, "You can eat now." I thought, what? and said, "Lord, I'm fasting. What do you mean I can eat?" No response. Puzzled, I still felt the impression to eat, but hesitated. I said, "I better make sure this is not me playing food games." I felt serious about seeking the Lord and I didn't want to mess it up. I'm clear now more-so than at any other time. In order for me "to do" this thing, I need God's help.
At home, I said, "Lord, I'm not feeling good about this. How can this be?" Now quieted before him and waiting for a confirmation, he responds, "What you are looking for is not found in the fast. It's going to come through repentance." Whoa! I am reminded about the piece I just wrote, Pen to Paper. He already made clear that by spending time with him that is how I'm going to hear him. First devotion, then hearing, followed by the doing. And like he showed me in the previous letter, my devotions to him are actually a sweet thing, not laborious. To experience him, is to be in the anointing. It's him who I really sought after. It's always been him. However, in order to break the pattern of my resistance, there was yet more I needed to see and understand.
It came in a dream, but not before wrestling it out. Sleep evades me these day. Concerning health issues, eating patterns, and my teeth, there are some nights when I toss and turn for hours before finding sleep. Then when it's time to spend it with the Lord, naturally, I'm tired. I have to make a decision and ask myself, how badly do I want this? Can't say I always answer correctly. It took a friend's encouraging words to try something different. Thank you, Henry Gruver. No, I don't know him, but I do call him a friend. He says, "If I wake in the night and can't go back to sleep, I don't toss and turn. I get out of bed and spend the time with the Lord. After two or three hours have passed, then I go back to sleep. I can still catch a couple of hours, and I wake up refreshed and at peace, having spent time with the Lord." Yeah, I can see how that would make a difference.
Once again, sleep evaded me. I woke up at two and by 2:30 AM was out of bed making coffee. I must have stayed up for about three hours before going back to bed. Big surprise, although I lay resting, the coffee prevented me from sleeping. As an alternative, in my attempts to sleep, I fell into the twilight - it's the place in-between sleep and the wake, where dreams are drempt. It's actually very vivid. You're almost dreaming, slight imagination, and, for me, thoughts of ministry. I see myself doing the things I hope for, those things I look forward to, where I envision my future. I find it in the twilight.
All of a sudden, the scene changes. As if transported, I'm now in someone's dining room. The room is creamy white, very comfortable with a large rectangle dining table and big chairs. The fire place is framed in a molded mantle now burning with wood, while the family enjoys a meal. Clearly, they are upper class, but not grossly rich. A handsome, middle aged woman with dark brown hair sits at the head of the table with her older teenage son, equally as handsome, sitting on her right side. Across from him is a figure of a man, who is not in focus, nor does he have their attention. The son and mother are bantering back and forth in conversation, enjoying each others company. She laughs, almost annoyed, as he begins to tease her.
Then, very quickly, as the son holds a tall crafted iridescent green bottle, he pretends to hand it to her, as if in a jest, to pour the contents of the bottle over her head. But as soon as he reached over, the bottle left his hands, rose over her head, and began to spin. As it spun, it turned into the shape of a pyramid. There appeared to be something within it, like the shape of an eye, but even that evades me. As the pyramid spun, energy, like an electric light, began to come out of it and go into the woman. She tilts her head up to see and, as quickly, is overtaken. The energy poured into her mouth and her head shot back in an unnatural angle. As the energy poured into her, she began to scream a horrifying scream. And everything stopped.
It happened so quickly, in less than a minute, and ended so abruptly. I woke up out of the experience going, what was that? I wanted to rebuke it. What from hell was that? Out loud I say, "This woman, was she being possessed?" The energy that came out of the pyramid, put on her by her teasing son, screams for interpretation. I must share it with the group, but as the day went on, I never did. We are now back on Facebook, speaking of our experiences, they say, "Tell us yours." But there is so much to it, I still had not written it out and wasn't sure what to say. Then, while showering (back to idle time), it hits me. The spirit I saw go into the woman, it is the "False Anointing." In fact, that is the man at the table, sharing in the conversation. "Eww." I think my mouth remained open in shock for several minutes as the Lord connected the spirit at the table to my twilight fellowship. I had actually dined with demons. "Eww."
In my early days with the Lord, while in ministry, I use to spend time in this twilight place thinking I was fellow-shipping with the Holy Spirit. For a time I enjoyed it, but what I saw in this place always evaded me in the waking hours. I would try to write what I experienced, and couldn't. After a long while and feeling like a failure, trying to grasp the wind, I gave up. I felt I did not have the capacity-talent or gift, to DO the will of God in my life. So I pushed it away, not in repentance, but in failure. Although I had experienced times of the anointing, it was not a place I knew how to stay.
However, today is a time to speak into its face and end any and all agreement.
"Lord, set me free. Break this spirit off of me. Break the bondage I've been under and the sense of failure it has brought. Set me free to receive from you, greater and better works. God, you have so much for me, and not because I have entertained the thought, but because you have shown me in your word. And to confirm, you have manifested your presence in my life. I live to tell of the wonderful acts of your great love for me, of my future and hope in you. My faith remains, not because I claim it or decree it, but because you spoke it over me and you breathed life into it. To that I cling. Your word is my Rock and there I stand. My faith resides in you. For the love of God and the fellowship of all who believe and will believe in the glorious name your Son, Jesus Christ, set me free."
God opened my eyes again to see the face of the man, this time, staring at me. Before the alarm, like a sun dial, it's form protrudes to press me into the state of dreams. I lay there in the early hours and recognize its only motive is to prevent me from doing the will of God by keeping me from His presence. I don't have to bind it. I don't have to rebuke it. I just have to speak the name of Jesus and then do the will of God. Demons flee at the sound of Jesus. "Lord, I make my life a devotion to you. I repent of supping with demons. I choose to sit at your table, to wait on you, to recognize the goodness of God in my life and to make it one of thanksgiving. Only you deserve the praise. Only you, Lord. My time in the false anointing is broken, in Jesus name. I repent from it and will rise to the voice of your calling. Father, I pray these things in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.
