Who Are My Mothers and My Brothers

I had a dream this morning. I got up around 3:00 AM to commune with the Lord and when I was tired again, I went back to bed and fell asleep.

I dreamt that I was going over to my brother's house, his apartment. I got there and he answered the door saying, “Mom's not here.” He let me in. I asked him, “Where is she?” He replied, “She left.” “Well, where did she go?” I responded. Vague. His answers were vague and evading.

I felt he was not concerned with what concerned me and by the shortness of his answers he didn't care to tell me the truth. By the shortness of his answers, I felt I was not welcome in his home. He finally tells me that mom left to go to such and such a place, a place I could not remember, but was far away. In other words, are we done yet? Do you mind? Can you leave? You are not welcome here and I don't have time for you! That is how I felt. I left.

As soon as I left his place, I was at a place very near by where he lived. I stood at a door and knocked. My mother answered and stood at the threshold. “Mom, where were you? I looked for you, but you were not there.” She replied directly to me, unlike my brother. She said, “I left and I’m not coming back.” In other words, she was telling me she would not be my mother anymore. She had abandoned her place in my life and was about to close the door.

Puzzled, I said, “Mom?” and she closed the door. She left me outside abandoned and alone, with the feeling of confusion and rejection. Rejection is more than an angry response to a cry for help. It is also apathy: a cold, unfeeling disconnect that leaves the rejected one alone. I woke with the feelings of abandonment.

I immediately rejected the idea that my mother or my brother would ever reject me. We have had our trouble and there were times of distancing, but at the root of our relationship is family. Although strained at times, we are family. I prayed to cast off those feelings and stand against the enemy who brings wave upon wave of disruption to my walk with God. I felt this was the work of darkness.

But then these words came to me from the scriptures, My Mother and My Brothers. I remember reading that before. “Oh, gosh, Lord,” it says in the word that your mother and your brothers came to the door to question you about your ministry. They felt you were bringing shame on the family and they wanted to stop you. Yet you responded differently. You looked to those who were with you and said, “Who are My Mother and My Brothers? Those who do the will of My Father in heaven. Those are My Mother and My Brothers.”

Now that left me in a quandary. Was the dream from the enemy or was it a revelation about the way I felt towards the body of Christ, my Mother and my Brothers? Did I feel I was abandoned by the Family of God? While I strive to do the will of God, I hope in the end the body of Christ will accept me and I will no longer be alone. I have been alone for so long. They are, in fact, my Family and they have rejected me, but on what grounds? I do not know. 

 

It might be because I must do the will of God and not slip into a program or attempt to meet someone else's expectations of what is acceptable behavior. I am tired of trying to prove myself. I’m done with that. Is that the message my mother was leaving me? Is she done with that? Is my brother done trying to connect to someone there is no connection with or reason to care? I don't know. But this I know. God has not abandoned me. Christ is my Brother. He has called me to the Church and though they have not accepted me, God does.

So what do I believe? God is a way maker, a miracle worker, a promise keeper. This is the song I woke up to this morning, October 16, 2019. And this is my lesson, that while I live under an open heaven, God hears my prayers. He answers my cry. He knows what I ask for. He provides all I need and He will sustain me. I will continue because of who He is, not because I am yet acceptable. It is not a requirement of my performance.

Will I ever be acceptable to the Church? Will I ever meet their standard? By my lack of trying, I am telling myself to run after God, not men. Please your Father in heaven, even if you look abandoned. Even if you are perceived as rejected. Know this: God will not forsake you. Though your mother and brothers forsake you, God never will. He will complete what He has started in you. Only preserve in the work, run the race to win the prize forsaking all vanity and satisfying flesh. Please God only. And I will. I will.

So I reject those feelings inflicted on me in the dream. I reject the spirit of abandonment. I push off the spirit of rejection and press into my Father, who art in heaven. Let His kingdom come and His will be done, on earth, in my life, this day, in my heart and in the home of my spirit. Let me commune with Him. When He chooses the day to show me off, to bring me out of the cave of separation, as I lift Christ up and put on Christ, God will be glorified.

Today, I declare, I will put my lamp up for all to see, even if some won't look. I will not be persuaded to abandon my assignment or forsake what I know deep in my heart, in all that you do, do it unto Lord. I will do it with a cheerful heart.

Amen.